Great facts to help you make the right choice in November.

http://www.scaryjohnkerry.com/taxes.htm

http://www.scaryjohnkerry.com/convention.htm

http://www.scaryjohnkerry.com/logan.htm

http://www.scaryjohnkerry.com/vietnam.htm

If you agree with these messages, VOTE!! If you don’t agree with these messages, VOTE!!!

Our men and women are fighting for democracy in places that have never seen it. Don’t let your chance to support democracy slip by. Right or wrong, right or left, take advantage of the right you have, bought by blood.

Register here: http://www.eac.gov/register_vote.asp

My favorite web cartoon, PvP, was nearly ruined when the author’s PC was striken with Windows XP Service Pack 2. Scott Kurtz writes:

So, despite my actively avoiding it, my Windows auto-update installed service pack 2 on my computer this morning. Then it didn’t want to reboot because of the stupid security center not being able to confirm the status of my anti-virus software.

I’m still afraid to reboot a second time, but I guess I have to try. I’ll go ahead and try now. If you don’t hear back from me in a couple of days, please send a certified microsfot technician to my house.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you! If it’s not too late, reset your Windows Automatic Update to warn you about updates BEFORE it downloads them!

A conference of “Religion Experts” in Austin, Texas… *Snicker*

Okay, wait. Sorry. I swear I can say this with a straight face if I concentrate…

A conference of “Religion Experts” in Austin, Texas, have come to the conclusion that Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the “the carpenter from Galilee was the original Democrat.” *Chuckle*

Okay, sorry. There’s just no way I can say this without laughing. How unprofessional of me. Please forgive my lack of respect for… “Religion Experts” in Austin, Texas…

*Bursts into convulsive laughter*

“Keep Austin Weird!!”

*Doubles over laughing with tears now streaming*

I can’t… I can’t… Oh, it’s too funny.

Complete Article Here.

I was talking to my friend Randy Peterman via IM today, and we decided the Olympic coverage would be much more fun if elves and dwarves were allowed to compete. Here’s a taste of the “Lord of the Olympic Rings Summer Games”:

“Gee Tim, Legolas sure looks good on the high bar this year!”
“That’s right Elfie. Even though the rating system only goes to a perfect 10.0; which I achieved 20 years ago before I became a washed up, witless commentator; Legolas’ quadruple-flip-over-the-bar release move earned him a perfecter 15.0! That’ll be hard to beat.”
“It sure will, Tim. Now, we turn to Gimli on vault.”
“That’s right Elfie. Gimli will be attempting a Full Thorin Oakenshield, which is humanly impossible, giving it a start value ‘outuva’ 17.”
“Ha ha ha. You said ‘outuva’ like it’s some kind of special Gymnastics term, when really it’s just bad grammar. I wonder if Gimli’s beard is going to be a distraction during this vault.”
“That’s right Elfie.”
“What’s right Tim?”
“That’s right Elfie. Here’s the approach! Oooh. Eeeh. Ugh. WOW! That was great. He really stuck that landing. It reminds me of that perfect 10.0 vault I did 20 years ago. Remember that?”
“Yep. It’s a shame Gimli vaulted a good fifteen feet past the landing mat and ’stuck’ his landing right on top of the entire Romanian team. What a mess.”
“That’s right Elfie. That’s a compound fracture if I ever saw one. It’s not going to help the Romanian’s chances to medal.”

<RANT>
I love the Olympics. My wife fills half a dozen video tapes every four years so she can weather the down time until the next Olympics roll around. (No, I’m serious.) The athleticism, the drive, the indelible human spirit; it’s all so inspiring. Every four years, the bar is raised, records are broken, and unimaginable feats become reality.

You know what else is inspiring? NBC’s coverage of the Olympics. It inspires me to watch re-runs of Cheers on TBS! Every two years (Let’s not forget that they butch the Winter Games too!) NBC achieves new heights in idiocy, provides record breaking annoyance and makes unimaginable suckage a reality. To quote Greg Storey over at Airbag, the coverage is “sucktacular”!

Seriously! Who can I pay to get the Olympics on another network?! ANY other network. Heck, the Cartoon Network could do better than those yahoo’s with the Peacock. I’d take Sponge Bob and Patrick any day over Tim Daggett and Elfie Schlegel. (Yeah, yeah. Tammy watches Gymnastics, so I do too. It takes a real man… oh never mind.)

Now, I know they’re not all bad. Bob Costas is a cordial enough guy, but is there any way we can get Katie Couric assigned to cover deepest darkest Congo? I’m sure her witless banter and mind numbing trivia would sound better with rocket propelled grenades whizzing overhead.

Who is the guy who handles scheduling over at NBC? Is there a minute hand on his watch? I’m thinking to myself, “Hey Self, how’s it hanging? Let’s see what time the 200M Freestyle is on tonight. Gee. The schedule says, ‘8:00 PM - 12:00 AM: Olympic Summer Games’. That is SO helpful. Maybe I’ll just scrape my thighs with a cheese grater instead of listening to Katie for four hours just so I can see a 60 second race.” I’m not making this up. See for yourself!

*Sigh* Okay. I feel better now. Does anyone know how I can get BBC-Canada on my TV?
</RANT>